Why did I not know this, why have I not been told this before?
Only through my connection to Spirit can I recover. It matters not what I am trying to overcome I cannot do it on my own. I have experienced this over and over - experience is a great teacher however we must choose to learn the lesson or it keeps coming back.
I have been contemplating the thoughts of; am I depressed? am I sad? What is all this about? I have decided to take a herbal supplement called 5HTP to up my serotonin levels. In the program of recovery we are reaching for a state referred to as Happy Joyous and Free ................ how does one measure these feelings.
I do not have a lot to be unhappy about ............ perhaps a little lonely once in a while. Unhappy with my physical condition. Freedom?
It occurs to me that only through prayer and contact with Spirit am I truly content. By this I mean when I am praying regularly and trying to remain humble/teachable I am peaceful.
I have also committed to attend a grief group through Hospice Huntsville, I would like to explore my sadness a bit further. Many losses at once; even though it was 7 years ago, I lost my mother and my husband and my father within 20 months. Loss of a dream. My daughter moving far away felt devastating.
However the bottom line in all this is I look around the world and know that I am blessed; to live in this country, to live in Muskoka, to have a roof over my head and a vehicle to drive, a closet full of clothes and a fridge full of food. This is more than most people of the world have. I am grateful.
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